Hope Mangiafico (00:00)
Nikki, you just closed out our episode about boundaries using a term that caught my attention and that was gatekeeper.
What are the different gatekeepers that most people probably use instead of Jesus, peace, the Father, Holy Spirit? Like what are what are common gatekeepers we use that actually makes us vulnerable into sin, stress, overextension, if you will, overextending ourselves?
Nikki Humphrey (00:32)
I think the most common gatekeeper is humanism.
Hope Mangiafico (00:38)
Just being a human.
Nikki Humphrey (00:40)
Just being human. Just being a human and seeing what everybody else is doing and let that be the barometer for how you keep your gate. So picture
Hope Mangiafico (00:53)
Mm, that's good.
Nikki Humphrey (00:54)
like everybody's houses in the neighborhood. You know how you drive through neighborhoods and they all have like a certain aesthetic on their front lawn. Like they all have this or that or you know, whatever it is. And I think the we as humans do the same thing with our
Personal
Hope Mangiafico (01:10)
Yeah.
Nikki Humphrey (01:12)
gates.
Hope Mangiafico (01:14)
Interesting. Makes sense.
Nikki Humphrey (01:16)
Like, you know, an example in our episode that I used is like, you know, different moms hanging out and gossiping. And what happens a lot of times when you're with these other moms, you hear bits of information of how they're parenting their kids. And let's just use social media for an ex example. Like
Three different moms are like, yeah, I let Betsy and Billy use like Instagram, Snapchat, what is this, with no parental controls, and they're just, you know, whatever they do, that's fine because they just have to learn how the world works. And then other moms, like me or some other people, be like, Well, that doesn't really, that's in violation of my personal boundary or like a family boundary that we have. But that influence.
Of like, but if I don't allow my kid to have this, are they gonna be isolated from the other group of kids? So, you know, my worldly boundary be might begin to shift, and like you said in the episode, I might do something or allow my daughter to have something that I don't personally agree with.
Hope Mangiafico (02:31)
Yeah.
Nikki Humphrey (02:31)
They
open that gate right up and just like, okay, try it. And you know when we do that.
Hope Mangiafico (02:40)
Don't try never ever try anything.
Nikki Humphrey (02:43)
'Cause every time I've done that, it hasn't worked out well.
Hope Mangiafico (02:46)
And that goes back to the episode where I said if you just stick to your boundaries, it actually acts as a guard because now it doesn't turn out well and you're cleaning up a mess.
Nikki Humphrey (02:55)
Right.
Hope Mangiafico (02:56)
And I think that actually real time in our episode, I didn't talk on this, but as I got that image for myself of cleaning up a mess because I didn't keep my boundaries, I got a better understanding of how important it was to stick with non-negotiables. I have heard that concept before, I understood it.
But I also didn't understand the severity of not keeping with them. Until I s just got the aha that girl, you got messes to clean up if you do not, and you know how it went the last time you cleaned messes, you hated every second of it, you got upset. Then you spiral into self-hate, right? All the negative things that are not of God just grow bigger because you didn't keep.
Nikki Humphrey (03:37)
And then you're pulling your
husband into it and all It's like here's an analogy for it. It's like cleaning up the biggest spill on your kitchen floor with cheap paper towel. You're just moving the mess around, but it's not really going anywhere.
Hope Mangiafico (03:56)
Girl, do you know what's so funny that you just talked about cheap paper towels? I helped my friend paint something last night. I was like, girl, this is an easy project. I said, my whole house has this, you know, like it's so easy. And she's about to pop. She's she could have her baby like tomorrow. And so I had no problem doing it. But once I made one little boo-boo
I got a cheap paper towel to wipe it up. And because they're so cheap, right? They don't hold their, what do you call it? They don't hold their structure. And then all of a sudden they it balls up so much so that there's now not a piece of it that you can touch that doesn't have paint on it. And then I got paint in their garage. And I was so upset. They're like, it's fine. I'm like, no. And all spiraled because I used something to
Nikki Humphrey (04:43)
Ha ha
Hope Mangiafico (04:43)
clean up my mess. That didn't work.
to bed last night still being upset which is stupid it's not smart because they actually weren't mad but I was upset that I didn't have a better thought process going into it. And now I'm letting the enemy win keeping me up because now I've messed up their house. You know what I mean? Like it's and it c came from a T paper town.
Nikki Humphrey (05:10)
'Cause it just moves the mess around. It doesn't clean anything. And you're using
Hope Mangiafico (05:15)
Mm.
Nikki Humphrey (05:16)
five times as much as you would have if you would have increased your investment in paper towel. We're not sponsored by paper towel, but if paper towel company wants to sponsor us, we'll take it.
Hope Mangiafico (05:28)
Yeah, there are some good ones and not so great
Nikki Humphrey (05:28)
Good.
Hope Mangiafico (05:30)
ones out there and I know that for sure.
That's a really good analogy. Because here's what's even more funny about that, okay, Nikki?
Nikki Humphrey (05:38)
Mm.
Hope Mangiafico (05:39)
I spilt some paint. We're just gonna have a little story time because maybe it'll heal a part of my heart that I still need healing in. And I was pouring a can of paint into a so a pink solo cup. Done work, right? So cup spills over, it's in grass, temporary stain. but then I pick it up, the solo cup, and I try to wipe it, and I'm like, okay, I got most of it off.
But I put it on top of a cheap paper towel. So I had multiple paper towel incidents last
Nikki Humphrey (06:07)
Yeah.
Hope Mangiafico (06:08)
night. I just clearly didn't learn. and so of course that paper towel couldn't hold the wet paint. Period. I should have never put it on the paper towel to begin with.
When you start with something that's broken and doesn't work, it will not get better without a change.
Nikki Humphrey (06:23)
That is so true.
Hope Mangiafico (06:25)
As much
as we want it to I know I'm holding it because I'm processing that.
I'm gonna use that paper towel last
Nikki Humphrey (06:31)
No.
Hope Mangiafico (06:31)
night and hope that just this once it's gonna work.
gosh. And my friend really wanted me to prep and I said it's not a big mess. The prep is equivalent to already having your boundaries.
Nikki Humphrey (06:46)
Mm-hmm.
Hope Mangiafico (06:47)
Putting cardboard down is straight up a boundary, that would have worked.
Nikki Humphrey (06:50)
Yes.
Hope Mangiafico (06:51)
But I said, Mm, it's an easy project. And then I was cleaning up with bad paper towels.
Who knew that story would match so perfectly with this?
Wow.
Nikki Humphrey (07:00)
So our worldly, you know, our humanism is that cheap paper towel.
Hope Mangiafico (07:05)
Yeah.
Nikki Humphrey (07:06)
When we put our trust, our faith, our mm mirror our boundaries of what's going on around us, it's nothing but cheap paper towel. It's not gonna work out. It's not gonna last. It's gonna rip apart. It's gonna ball up. It's gonna leave stains. It's going to in some cases leave permanent marks that you can't get out.
And we've all done it. But now it's time to course correct.
Hope Mangiafico (07:35)
Yeah.
Nikki Humphrey (07:36)
And create that firm foundation in our faith, in our relationships with the whole Godhead.
Hope Mangiafico (07:46)
Yeah.
Nikki Humphrey (07:46)
'Cause they're there
to guide us.
Not the world.
Hope Mangiafico (07:48)
You mentioned the marks that may, you know, stay forever. And that's that is the beautiful thing. It's he will use the scars to tell a different story, to be a testimony, to give him glory. And as you shared that, I was thinking about my example I just gave. Knowing my friend, she'll see that paint spot as a sweet memory of her child entering the world after I worked that out in myself.
And that is a scar 'cause I don't know if it's gonna come up because it was inconcrete, you know. But that scar God can redeem as a sweet memory and a testimony of how good of a father he is.
Nikki Humphrey (08:28)
And what a great story for their child. Be like, you see that? You know that thing?
That's when Hope came over and painted that.
Hope Mangiafico (08:36)
Right, painted your bookshelf. So that's really sweet. and I think if we can view boundaries as a sweetness of the father all around, it'll change our perspective.
