Hope Mangiafico (00:00)
You got any bookshelf cleaning out you need to do?
Nikki Humphrey (00:03)
I think so. I really think so. And it's like we said in the episode, it's not that I didn't get a good value in there. It's not like I didn't get, not like I got bad information.
It was just pointing to the wrong source. Even if it was written in a biblical way and with scripture and with the writer having impartations from God. But like you said Hope, I think maybe that was just for the person. But I got some good things from it. I got some good nuggets from it.
Hope Mangiafico (00:20)
Yeah, yeah.
Brian.
Nikki Humphrey (00:44)
But some things I have been overly reliant on in the past and it's something that I keep going back to, but what I need to keep going back to is God and His word.
Hope Mangiafico (00:56)
Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I was just thinking, I don't usually repeat reads. And as you were saying, God and His Word is worth going back to. The Bible is the only book I think I have read. I haven't read front to back even once in the process, but
Nikki Humphrey (01:06)
Mm-hmm.
Hope Mangiafico (01:18)
that I have reread parts over and over and over and over and over again.
You know, you might take a book and maybe you highlighted it and you go back, but like you didn't reread the whole book.
scripture is the only one.
Nikki Humphrey (01:37)
You know how they say like the word became flesh? I think that's what I was trying to do with some of these books, Hope, because I would highlight it and then go back and then write the highlights back into a notebook and then try to put my own spin and apply it to my life. So I doing all this work and I'm trying to make the word, that word that's not God's word become flesh.
Hope Mangiafico (01:57)
Did you do that? I did that. Did you really?
Nikki Humphrey (02:07)
I wanted it to be like a part of me. And the only experience I've had with that is like God's living word.
Hope Mangiafico (02:08)
it moves free.
Wow, that makes a lot of sense. I literally did the same thing, Nikki.
Nikki Humphrey (02:20)
I
thought that was the only one.
Hope Mangiafico (02:23)
Yeah, no. ⁓ it was like, I made bullet points, right? So I turned these little highlights into bullet points that are like my go-tos. Yeah, no, I thought I was the only one. And you just literally flipped that on its head, which makes sense because stuff of the enemy is going to be something that almost is like mockery or not mockery. Imitate? Imitate.
Nikki Humphrey (02:48)
Yes, imitation. Yes.
Hope Mangiafico (02:52)
Wow, that's really good. And boy does it again. It makes you look so studious, so smart. You're really wanting to change. Really wanting to, gosh. You know, and the worst part of all this, and I think we've probably talked about this on the episode before, at least part, there's actually, I shouldn't say the worst. There's a lot of bad. But one of the worst is like through my aspirations of self-help and to be better, I was putting others down.
Nikki Humphrey (03:20)
Yeah.
Hope Mangiafico (03:21)
Judging
others specifically my husband because he was not doing the same thing pursuing the same thing He looked like he was going through life like this and so I put on my judgmental lenses Well, although all the while Nikki now that we have a better understanding with self-help I was drowning I wasn't actually any better than I was in the beginning because the things that mattered were we're not getting addressed
Nikki Humphrey (03:46)
That's right. Yes, it did the same thing.
Hope Mangiafico (03:53)
terrible. Then that goes back to that cycle. There's pride.
Nikki Humphrey (03:57)
Yes.
Cause when you didn't want, I mean like when you were talking, I felt like I didn't want to be like this was all for nothing. But really a lot of that was all for nothing. It was just for show.
Hope Mangiafico (04:11)
And you know, unfortunately I can validate what you're saying because then I would try and open my mouth and prove why it was good that I did what I did. Defend. I defended it all.
Nikki Humphrey (04:22)
Yes.
It's just all making a lot of sense now. Why it never worked out. And I'm sure some of that stuff works really well for people, but for me, it like never worked out and it was always really hard. And it took me so much time to try to like make sense of it all. But God's like, doesn't make sense because that's not for you. That wasn't meant for you.
Hope Mangiafico (04:28)
you
And if he wants to bring it back up, he will at the right time and you'll know and he'll lead you where to go pick that back up at kind of thing. I used to have such a fear of forgetting the things that I learned to your point of like saying like, oh, this was worthwhile. Like I wanted to just somehow make my brain grow more and never lose any of the information. And one day this beautiful picture of hope will come together thanks to all the books and courses.
Nikki Humphrey (05:09)
Thanks.
That's right.
Hope Mangiafico (05:18)
And know, did you ever take any courses where they would take like 10 aspects of your life and had to rank those different areas and then whichever one ranks the lowest is the one you focused on kind of thing? That just, the reason I guess that even just came to mind is like that shows how sneaky it is because it sounds like, okay, I'm going to address this lowest one and then once that one feels better, then I go to the next one. And you think it's like all ships rise, right? But it doesn't. And...
And I think you and I have emphasized on so many episodes how sneaky all these tactics are and so just, I don't know, like telling everyone like just be weary to your point, Nikki. Like really, it's only scripture. It's only God.
Nikki Humphrey (06:03)
Right. And you have to get to the root of these issues.
When you're doing self-help work, it's so hard to get to the root of things that a lot of times people just don't go for it because it's too hard to navigate by themselves.
Hope Mangiafico (06:22)
Do you know why think that might be a word that's coming to mind is because, whoa, all of self-help is rooted in chasing.
Self-help chases the problem God delivers to you. What needs to be dealt with? Those are two very different methods.
Nikki Humphrey (06:43)
Yes.
And to your point in the episode, how many times did I finish a book and I felt worse?
Hope Mangiafico (06:51)
Because you felt like you couldn't do it kind of thing.
Nikki Humphrey (06:52)
because yes,
yeah, or I wasn't doing it right, or I didn't feel like I was, you know, if I took a course with other people in it and then I would hear them talk about it. And I'm just like, ⁓ I thought of that all wrong. I didn't even validate my own unique opinion for that thing, which was probably spot on for me. But just because, you know, the 20 other women in the group,
didn't agree with that, but I felt like I did something wrong. And there's that old shame wound coming back up. Like I'm not good enough. I'm not smart enough. I can't do it.
Hope Mangiafico (07:29)
And.
The wounding plus, it's like you said, that's not real accountability either. It's fake accountability.
Nikki Humphrey (07:38)
Right.
Hope Mangiafico (07:42)
Yeah, you're right. Like you really have to get to the root. And that's what wholeness is, is uprooting everything.
And I think I quote this pretty frequently about scripture. I need to actually just remember where it is in the Bible where it just talks about how deceitful the heart is or how wicked it is. It's not that we are terrible, but we can't know it without Him. So there is nothing in the world that will be that solution to you because there's so many, I mean, I'll even just say it's like almost like
layers of armor or walls or whatever to where you can't even see that beating heart down in there and what's actually there. It's like, it's like ⁓ God has like those like laser glasses I can go straight in.
Nikki Humphrey (08:38)
When you were talking I was going to go like this.
Hope Mangiafico (08:43)
It just goes all it just drills a hole right through all those walls and armors and it's like that's it. Let's let's go there.
Nikki Humphrey (08:45)
Mm-hmm.
Hope Mangiafico (09:02)
And, Nikki I think the last thing that at least I feel led to share that I think you can attest to as well, and we've already hit on it just a slight bit, but I think this takes a little bit further. When you're in alignment with the Father, and let's say you let him in and he does that laser right to the center and is like, that's, that's, that's it, that's what we're gonna deal with. Your next question is how, where do we start, God? We talked about the steps and orchestrating the steps.
because he may bring up a book, he may lead you to a course, he may lead you to a life coach, a counselor, that's when the resources make a difference.
Nikki Humphrey (09:34)
Mm-hmm.
That it really does. Yes.
Hope Mangiafico (09:44)
He delivers them to you.
You no longer chase.
Nikki Humphrey (09:50)
That's, ooh, feel it, that's good.
Hope Mangiafico (09:55)
That'll do it. See ya!
Nikki Humphrey (09:55)
out
Yeah.
