Hope Mangiafico (00:00)
Okay, so that episode was so good and it was done and I really wanted to add this point. I knew it wasn't supposed to be part of the episode, but when you wrapped up and you talked about saying like, father, I receive your love, which I got that as a download too. And then I had added to that saying to him, I love you. That was really heavy on my heart because I had a very special encounter with the Lord a while back.
where I had trouble saying those words, which was quite literal evidence that there was a block that I did not understand because I couldn't even say it.
And you know, we talk about on our podcast a lot, like different seasons of life. And I've been in a season in the last like, I don't know, maybe six months or so where God has been directing my path through my words and showing me where a lot of my hangups are when I feel it like stirring in me that I need to say something outwardly and I can't.
and then he directs my path on a certain way. And I don't know why that I'm in that season, but I think it's a good demonstration and reminder of how literal blocks can be.
Nikki Humphrey (01:23)
Yes.
It really is.
Yeah, sometimes it's like a speed bump and then other times it's like a barricade.
Hope Mangiafico (01:31)
Hmm, yeah. Like not being able to say I receive your love out loud really speaks on, yeah, like a deep-rooted block.
Nikki Humphrey (01:47)
And I was thinking, I'm gonna reverse it for me, Hope. I tell God I love him all the time. But I don't wait to hear what he says about me because I still don't think like that little Nikki wound, like I'm worthy of it.
Hope Mangiafico (01:53)
Mmm.
Yeah.
Whoa.
I don't have an answer to this, but you're talking about how you say you love him all the time, but he had said to both of us that his love's not enough. So then what are we loving him for? We're not, I mean, it's kind of, we hit on this in the episode, but it's like, are we purely loving him because of the things he's given us, right? The gratitude list or whatever, you know? It's just an interesting thought.
Nikki Humphrey (02:31)
Yeah.
It is interesting too, because...
it's almost like getting it mixed up with our earthly love again.
Hope Mangiafico (02:42)
Very easy to do, huh?
Nikki Humphrey (02:43)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, when I think about my hurt and brokenness and people who are supposed to love me, didn't. But I would still tell them I love them because I just wanted to hear it back.
And I'm probably waiting for a word when God's like, my love is more than a word. It's an experience. Like it's overwhelming.
Hope Mangiafico (03:11)
Well, you know, Nikki, that validates so much what I've seen a clip here and there. It's been repeated. I've seen it a couple of times over the years, but it was saying how culturally, I'll at least say in the English language, I can't speak one other languages. We say, I love pizza. You know, I love this show. And it's like, wow, we have really oversimplified love to your point. It's a whole experience and
Nikki Humphrey (03:28)
Yeah.
Hope Mangiafico (03:40)
that might be part of our problem is we literally just have a word that we throw out so loosely with no experience, no depth attached to it. And so what we're desiring from the outer world.
Nikki Humphrey (03:42)
Mm-hmm.
Hope Mangiafico (03:54)
is so misaligned that we can't even truly say what it is that we're looking for.
Nikki Humphrey (03:59)
That's true.
That's true. And maybe we should have backed this whole train up to start with the question is, what do I, how do I define love for myself?
Hope Mangiafico (04:13)
Mmm, that's a good question.
Nikki Humphrey (04:16)
I don't know if I could answer that right now. I would need to sit with that.
Hope Mangiafico (04:20)
Well, it's kind of like our making community personal thing. It's like, I wouldn't have known what a real definition of community was for me. God had to show me same thing with the love part. You need to, that's such a weighty question. It's not a yes or no that like, yeah, you would need to actually sit with it. But like we've said in, ⁓ I think it was that episode. If not, it was one recent where it's like, but you can do that anywhere.
You just have to be open to hear what he has to say. And if you think it's going to be emotional, maybe don't do it in your car. But I mean, that's really by doing asking that question. I feel in the depths of who I am that will bring a level of healing that most of us can't comprehend.
Nikki Humphrey (05:07)
Yes, I totally agree. Yes.
Hope Mangiafico (05:11)
We don't know. Wow, that's really good.
Nikki Humphrey (05:16)
I just keep chuckling at how God just totally reworked this whole episode.
Hope Mangiafico (05:23)
It was so good.
Nikki Humphrey (05:26)
He's like, write those notes, ladies, write those notes.
Hope Mangiafico (05:30)
I mean, you know, we still got to say what we thought they were. And some of it was used for sure. One of my favorite parts, I will say, about what I had written down was like, I mentioned in the episode, like I had five points and each one had like an exercise attached to it. And what I thought was really cool was this hopes, you know, hopes doing maybe, but it was still kinda cool.
Nikki Humphrey (05:33)
Yes.
Yeah.
Hope Mangiafico (05:58)
is like the first one had the sacred imagination, the second one had repenting, the third one had the holy exchange, the fourth one had a declaration, and the fifth one had the say it out loud. And so it was neat because they were still all things that we talk about on the podcast that do lead you back to him, to lead you back to those encounters. ⁓ So even if it feels like, well, this wasn't exactly you, he's like,
But it was still relevant nonetheless, exactly like you were saying in the episode, Nikki. Like, he still used it to teach us something, you know? He still brings it all back together. And the only way that he can do, like, that's just, that's his being, that's his nature.
Nikki Humphrey (06:43)
I was reading over my notes and I'm like, it's funny because I think he had me on the right track and I totally went to a curlicue.
Hope Mangiafico (06:51)
Really?
Nikki Humphrey (06:52)
So I was talking about how you know in your head that God loves me, right? We know it, we have that head knowledge. But in your heart, there's resistance, it's almost like a wall.
or filter. Or me. Yeah.
Hope Mangiafico (07:07)
I was going say or a filter something. You know,
the filter is an interesting one though, because like I said, when I was defining what acceptance and receiving was, those are kind of abstract words that we need to kind of get familiar with. But block, we always see as literally like a wall. But a filter seems much more dainty, not as dangerous, less threatening. But if the listener was physically watching or even listening, but I would say physically watching the episode on YouTube, they would see.
Nikki Humphrey (07:27)
Right. Yeah.
Hope Mangiafico (07:38)
what that did in your heart. It was just as intense as a physical wall blocking you from the Father's love.
Nikki Humphrey (07:45)
Yes. Yeah.
Hope Mangiafico (07:47)
is
our perception thinking one is less than the other.
Nikki Humphrey (07:51)
And I relate to the filter so much just because I tend to filter things a lot through, you know, we talk a lot about the podcast, the little Nikki lens, the big Nikki lens, the Jesus lens. Like I'm filtering a lot and God's like, you don't need the filter for this. Like you don't need it.
You don't filter love that's pure like mine. You just let it in. Let it wash over you. Let it just radiate out of you through you, within you.
Hope Mangiafico (08:27)
Well, you know, too, speaking of that, Nikki you and I have come such a long ways because we have let the Father in to do work on us. But I mean, I know you can attest this about me more so than anything. But because of those encounters and tendencies and we've seen the fruit, we can just as quickly overstep that work that we do. Like I said, I know you've seen it in me.
And it's like the concept of too much of a good thing becomes a bad thing kind of thing.
We overstep all the time.
Nikki Humphrey (09:08)
It reminds me back in the 60 day challenge days, remember we would just lay down and let God's love wash over us. And you could feel it. And you'd feel so good.
Hope Mangiafico (09:16)
You could feel it.
Yeah.
That challenge was truly like life changing. It was like the beginning of you in like sacred imagination, right? You would learn that years later and just knowing God's voice. I know we've talked about it so many times, but it's wild to think all these years later, so that was about 2017, 2018, that that was truly foundational for us to.
Even if we go down curly cues or get off path, we have that solid foundation where I can say we are confident that we will not go backwards.
Nikki Humphrey (10:04)
Yes.
Hope Mangiafico (10:06)
Now don't believe you're stagnant and I know that it's like you're either moving forward or you're moving backwards, but like when you have a solid foundation, even when it looks backwards, it's forward.
Nikki Humphrey (10:16)
That's right. Yes.
Hope Mangiafico (10:21)
feel that. And praise God we got that because we did not orchestrate that ourselves.
And that's a word that when your foundation is solid, even if it looks backwards, it is forward. People will say stuff like that kind of on empty promises, but it hinges on how is your foundation with.
not a checklist, Not a doing my journal in, doing my devotion. It's knowing his voice enough.
and letting him in enough, there might still be blocks there. He just needs the foundation to be solid enough that when he says, Nikki, you've been a filth, or he stomps on that foundation, it doesn't shatter.
Nikki Humphrey (11:12)
That's all right.
think that'll do it.
Hope Mangiafico (11:17)
What a good episode.
