Nikki Humphrey (00:00)
Hi, I'm Nikki.
Hope Mangiafico (00:02)
I'm Hope. Welcome to Equipped Fellowship, where friends become family through Christ. We're two Jesus-loving friends on a mission to share personal stories, resources, and real talk about our triumphs, breakthroughs, struggles, and setbacks. Why? Because we believe you are called to live victoriously, and we're here to equip you with Holy Spirit-led tools and strategies to strengthen your faith, transform your mindset, and walk boldly in God's promises. Because here's the truth. You've been given great and precious
promises by God. So grab your coffee, lean in, and let's grow together. It's time to step into everything God has for you.
Nikki Humphrey (00:40)
And are we stepping into it today? I was on a run. What was it? Yesterday, hope. Yeah, yesterday. And I got this download. And it was been something that I, like a reoccurring pattern in my life. Kind of like the outsider looking in, like never really feeling like I had a seat.
in the natural at somebody's table. I always felt like I was on the fringe of groups or like always envious of other groups who were getting together. And then here I was trying to force my way and get into these groups that I really didn't belong to. But sometimes our earthly yearning, we want to be invited to these tables.
Hope Mangiafico (01:32)
Yeah.
Nikki Humphrey (01:36)
And I kind of put it like this. said, have you ever walked into a room and felt instantly like you didn't belong? I know I Like everyone had a seat at the table, but you were standing off to the side wondering if there would ever
Hope Mangiafico (01:43)
No, never. ⁓
Nikki Humphrey (01:56)
be a place for you. Maybe it was work, maybe it was in your family, maybe even at church.
Hope Mangiafico (02:03)
Hmm.
Nikki Humphrey (02:03)
that feeling of being an outsider on the fringe. And you're just feeling so, so isolated. But here is the truth. Here's the good news, everybody. God has already chosen you, set a place for you and called you his own. You don't need human approval to belong. You belong just because he says you do.
Hope Mangiafico (02:27)
Absolutely. And it's reconciling that with our, with our self, right? With our flesh. You know, as you were speaking, because I didn't know what you were going to say, it reminds me of there's this one speaker
And he's like, we're all part of the land of misfit toys. And so we have ourselves and we're in this community together and it's actually beautiful that we're just a bunch of misfits. ⁓ In part because the reason we're wanting to be at the table is because the people are uniting over something that we can't relate to. And it's things we shouldn't be able to relate to. ⁓ But we're longing for community, which we're totally gonna do an episode on community soon.
Nikki Humphrey (02:56)
Bye.
Bye bye.
Hope Mangiafico (03:07)
And with that longing that God has put in us, that desire, we have misdirected it to another land. And he's like, no, I actually want you in this land of misfit toys so you're not in alignment of all the yuck of the world. So we're a little misfit toys, but we still got some cuteness to us, you know? There's a little kid that loves us. There's a maker that made us for this exact reason, right?
Nikki Humphrey (03:13)
Yes.
Mm-hmm. That's right.
That's right.
That's right. But our earthly flesh wants to belong so bad. And so many times we get locked into the wrong people, the wrong group, the wrong community, just to fit in, quote unquote, fit in, do what everybody else is doing. But both Hope and I know that God created us to stand out. We're those little misfit toys. We were created on purpose for a purpose.
Hope Mangiafico (03:42)
So.
Yeah.
Nikki Humphrey (04:01)
And when you try to sit down at a seat that is not in alignment with your purpose, with your God given tools, your, I want to say this weird word, like your place that stirs your soul. You don't need to sit down. And it's that uncoupling of those worldly things and those worldly identities that we really do have a purpose. And it's not.
fitting in all the time.
Hope Mangiafico (04:33)
You know, Nikki, you just hit on something that I think you said the last episode. I believe it was the last episode. ⁓ Gosh, it doesn't matter if the listeners have listened to previous episodes. They'll know what I'm talking about. ⁓ It actually might have been an overflow episode. But you were talking about how like you've just kind of shared with people now. It's like wherever I go, Jesus goes, right? Like I'm locking arms with Jesus. And I think a really cool reminder of
Nikki Humphrey (04:55)
Yes.
Hope Mangiafico (05:02)
an encouragement to not try and force yourself at the wrong table is, there two seats?
Nikki Humphrey (05:07)
Mmm, yes.
Hope Mangiafico (05:10)
That actually just brought me so much peace. If there's not two seats for me and Jesus, I don't need to be there.
Nikki Humphrey (05:15)
Yeah, that's
right.
That's so good.
Hope Mangiafico (05:20)
That really is, but it's because of what you said previously. Do remember saying that? Yeah.
Nikki Humphrey (05:25)
Yes. Yeah.
Hope Mangiafico (05:31)
and not even just two seats, but a seat that's also big enough because we can also be in communities or forcing ourselves in areas that look okay because maybe they allow for a little slice of what we value. But do they, ⁓ do they value the entirety?
Nikki Humphrey (05:45)
Yes.
That's it.
Cause that's what I said, like even in church, there's been tables where I wanted to sit in groups. wanted to join people who I wanted to go to brunch with and was never invited or never allowed for lack of a better word. But then when you sit back and you talk to your father, you talk to God about it, you journal about it, you realize just what hope said.
Hope Mangiafico (05:59)
Right!
in
Nikki Humphrey (06:23)
then maybe it was a slice of them that attracted to you. But when you back up and you expand the vision, those really aren't your people. And that's okay. We need to be okay with acknowledging that not everybody is your people.
Hope Mangiafico (06:26)
and
Correct. You're not going to, you are going to believe this, but you're not going to believe this is what you just said was one of the first things God highlighted to me about why sometimes this happens, right? Like why, why does he allow you to be on the outside when it's, you know, when you're longing for it, it's one of those things you can kind of twist and be like, but God, if you love me, wouldn't you want me to feel accepted? You know? ⁓ And I was like, Lord, what's your agenda for this episode?
And he said, perspective is everything and your vision isn't clear when you're up close too soon to see what you're looking at. He knows how long it takes for your vision to clear. And he put clear vision equals increased awareness, AKA discernment, increased protection because images are now seen more vividly and increased purpose because there's clarity on what you're supposed to focus on.
Nikki Humphrey (07:39)
Yes. Yes.
Hope Mangiafico (07:42)
You can't. It's literally, you said zoom out. You zoom out and all of a sudden the perception of everything clears up and it's like staring at anything too close. Man, that looks good. That slice of them looks really good. Well, yes, because that's all you see because you're right, right in front of it, you know? ⁓ And then you, you end up, ⁓ I feel this for someone listening. Then you end up getting really hurt.
Nikki Humphrey (07:44)
Thank
Mm-hmm.
Yes.
Hope Mangiafico (08:11)
by all the other parts of them. And then you stay because all you see is that one and you're getting stabbed all around from like you're focused on that one good slice, but you're getting attacked everywhere else from that same person.
Nikki Humphrey (08:30)
And then the enemy turns it in on you and you feel like it's your fault that there's something inherently wrong with you, that you did something that's allowing you not to be able to fit in perfectly with them. And God's like, that's not your puzzle. You weren't meant to fit in with them. You cannot lock in with them because you weren't created to lock in with them. Find your other people.
Hope Mangiafico (08:32)
that you met.
Mmm, that's nice.
Mmm.
So here's the thought too. you're, whoo, you're not created to lock in with them, but what about the moments where it is just for a season that you're locked in and then being okay to let go? Because you know, I think I can be guilty of defining what locked in even looks like or means, right? Which is why we gotta step back, go to the father, get a better perspective, but.
Let's say you are locked in, found your one person, right? Just one person, but then all of a sudden you're like feeling this tension of change.
Now what? We gotta be okay that wherever we are is not, likely not a forever thing, both on the outside and on the inside with somebody.
Nikki Humphrey (09:51)
Yes. And some people, it's a cycle with some people, some people you're like so close with with one season and then another season, you have time and distance apart, but then God brings that person back into your life for some reason. And I think that's why you always need to be open to whatever God puts in front of you, but we can't be too close to it to distract.
Hope Mangiafico (10:01)
Yes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Nikki Humphrey (10:21)
our vision.
Hope Mangiafico (10:22)
Yeah. And you know, talking about being open, something, and also open plus what you said about how dangerous can be too, whether it's you're on the outside, you're focused on just one part of someone else, you're on the inside and you feel like there's tension, so now you're going back on the outside and you're like, what's wrong with me? I felt like the Lord wanted to say, hey, while you're in the waiting, whether it's figuring out, I want to go on the inside or it's...
Nikki Humphrey (10:49)
Yeah.
Hope Mangiafico (10:52)
While you're in that waiting, don't forget to ask the Father why, but not why because like, I'm no good, why am I not good enough to stay here? Why am I not good enough to be in? But rather asking why because it brings forth what needs to be addressed in you and around you. As scripture says, we only see in part and if we can accept that and ask Him why, He'll always lead us down a path of righteousness.
Nikki Humphrey (11:08)
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Hope Mangiafico (11:19)
But the proper why, not a why am I no good? Why am I a misfit? Why are you removing this? That's not the right why. It's just simply asking him and seeking to continue to broaden your vision on what he's saying to you for your life and calling you to all that he's calling you to and to give you every precious gift that he has for you.
Nikki Humphrey (11:23)
Yes.
Yeah, because when I can think back now into those tables, those groups, people, those situations where I felt like I didn't belong or was in the middle of it, wrestling with like, do I stay, do I go? I've always learned something from our father during that time, whether it was like how to treat people or if I did see something great in some other person, like being
drawn and trying to cultivate some of that in myself or whatever it is, like I've learned something from it. I don't, and it was only in that stepping back could I receive that discernment from the Father.
Hope Mangiafico (12:29)
Absolutely. I couldn't agree with that more.
And you know, we've said this probably, who knows, probably not every episode, but in my heart it feels like it to some extent of like the peace. Where do you find peace? It's always that zooming out and that stepping back. And that's, that is him. Like that has to be our pursuit every time as simple as that is. ⁓
You don't, when you feel that fleshy desire to be somewhere, to be someone, or to be something, ⁓ there's never peace attached to it. It's this like wrestling all the time and this tension, the wrong tension, because you can live in tension, but there's still peace in godly tension.
Nikki Humphrey (13:08)
There's that.
there is and looking at my notes, this kind of locks in with what you were saying earlier, was journaling about why do we feel like outsiders? One is comparison. Usually when I start to feel like an outsider, I start comparing myself to those people who are in that group measuring against their gifts, their appearances, their so-called success, their
Hope Mangiafico (13:30)
Yeah.
Yes.
Nikki Humphrey (13:47)
worldly knowledge and I'm comparing myself to them. And then like you said, hope, I'm feeling like an outsider because it's triggering past wounds. Like we've said so many times, is this like a little Nikki? Is this a little hope issue? Is this a big Nikki? Is this a big hope issue? Like past wounds, like past rejections, past betrayals.
Hope Mangiafico (14:06)
Yeah.
Nikki Humphrey (14:12)
being told that you didn't belong in a past season or you weren't enough to do X, Y or Z, it's bringing those things up. And finally, like we both said, like believing, we feel like outsider because we're believing the enemy's lies. Satan loves to whisper, you don't belong here, you're the odd.
Hope Mangiafico (14:35)
Absolutely. And you know, as you said, we talk often about the little Nicky little hope, big hope, big Nicky kind of things and the unhealed parts and being triggered by that. And that's simultaneously why you have to be careful and zooming in on that little slice of goodness you see. Because like I was mentioning, you see that but you're getting hurt everywhere else because hurt people hurt people. And it's better actually to say unhealed people.
Nikki Humphrey (15:00)
You done?
Yes.
Hope Mangiafico (15:04)
hurt
people. So while you might be seeing a little slice of the potential like you talked about or the healed part and so you're like, ooh, there's the good. All their hurt is still coming at you. And if you're stepping in too soon with, I'll use me, little hope problems, you want to talk about the deep, deep pain. ⁓
that you really, and I know you can probably attest to this, Nikki, you can't really find words for.
Nikki Humphrey (15:38)
Yeah.
Hope Mangiafico (15:40)
It's
just pain that hurts on almost every level of who you are.
Nikki Humphrey (15:49)
Yes.
I feel, mean, I can think back to a situation and feel that indescribable pain. I mean, this is probably, I can talk about it in vague terms, because everybody's been in a situation like this. You're scrolling through social media and you see a group of women getting together and you kind of thought that you're in the bubble a little bit, maybe not in bubble, but you thought you were in the...
Hope Mangiafico (16:17)
You
Nikki Humphrey (16:20)
You're bubbling around it, right? And you see all these people are together and you not there. You realize you were not invited. And for me, this was two years ago. I mean, it really triggered me. it really, but it was, I couldn't describe like why, because I could rationalize like,
yeah, this is like a champagne brunch. They know I don't drink and they probably know each other from this. like, I can see why I wasn't, but that wound was definitely opened. And I was definitely
Hope Mangiafico (16:47)
Yeah.
Nikki Humphrey (17:02)
feeling all the feels and probably more feels than I should about this thing that's on social media.
Hope Mangiafico (17:13)
Which, you you're talking about that wound being open. We've also, I don't know if we talked about on the podcast as much as like you have talked to me about it of like how wounds just kept getting open in my life. And if I pause to think about it,
There's two reasons why the wounds would get open before fully healing. One being that I move too soon or, you know, ⁓ dwell on something too long, whether it's from comparison or whatever it may be. But the second reason, and I'd be curious if you have any thoughts on this, Nikki, as it's coming to me, is because my desire for a different out-
is bigger than any other desire that I have.
And that's like a freaking spear straight to the heart.
Nikki Humphrey (18:14)
Ugh, I'm getting emotional right now. Like I'm tearing up right now just hearing that.
Hope Mangiafico (18:22)
And I think we all can fall into that category of wanting it to be different.
Nikki Humphrey (18:32)
Yeah.
For me, that's definitely a little nicky wound.
not feeling like enough, not feeling like enough for the people who are supposed to love you the most. And just wanting to be chosen by the people who were supposed to choose you.
Hope Mangiafico (18:50)
Yes.
Nikki Humphrey (18:56)
but chose not to choose you. And it's so hard, even though I know like God chose me, like he created me, like every part of my hair, every part of me, like it was purposely made and formed in.
but the people who are supposed to just, for lack of a better term, just me like garbage.
Hope Mangiafico (19:22)
And this other thing that's crazy, like so let's say we use your example of like you know the truth. You know you're fearfully and wonderfully made. You know what scripture says about you. But simultaneously the enemy can use that same thing against you. it's like despite what God's saying, God, this is what I'm.
Nikki Humphrey (19:26)
Thank you.
Hope Mangiafico (19:43)
picturing in my my mind's eye. It's like the scriptures are starting to help that wound scab over. But then the enemy's like, well, isn't isn't Christian community supposed to surround you and be there for you all the time? ⁓ Isn't isn't everyone that's older than you have more wisdom speak into your life and build you up? Isn't that how it's supposed to be? It starts perverting the truths because they are true.
Nikki Humphrey (19:46)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Hope Mangiafico (20:12)
But simultaneously as the enemy is using that truth, what he's hiding from you is his own strategies to hurt other people. So he's disregarding the fact that these people are hurting too, thanks to him from the beginning. And all that's happening now is there's like this, again, tension. I see this like, it's kind of gross, but like tension of like a scab. And now you're in this, this uncomfortable place.
And you're like, well, that is true. That is true. People are supposed to be used by God to help me. I mean, that's been my own story. That's actually part of I Marco Polo'd you last night. And I was like, so tired. I've been tired the past two days because God has like wrecked me in the best way possible, but it wears on your soul. And. ⁓ I apologize to my husband.
my gosh. Because I told him, didn't really agree with me, which is funny. Like it's like God, here's the word for people, God will put something in your heart and if you hurt someone and they don't even realize it, it doesn't mean you don't still apologize or own up for it. Cause my husband is so like kind and honestly, just I think really forgiving and just go with the flow that he don't realize how much crap I've done.
because God shows it in my face. Like, he's like, yeah, girl, you've done this to your husband. So anyways, I'm sharing all this because as we're talking, I apologized to my husband just last night for being super selfish. And I said, and I'm telling you this because I allowed my desire to have people in my life that are men to heal a father wound to be stronger than my relationship with you.
And it was like, and God really did intend for that wound to be healed, but he never meant for it to be what steered my ship. And so I was gushing open and almost like being selfish and taking whatever I could find, whatever, you and like trying to like stop the bleeding myself. And the only way you know how to stop your own bleeding.
Nikki Humphrey (22:34)
Yeah.
Hope Mangiafico (22:38)
is to tap into the pain you already have. And you're like, well, I know I have this pain. I know that I wasn't loved. I know I wasn't selected. I know that someone turned their back on me. So I just keep grabbing for more external to close the wound. And I just got that revelation yesterday.
Nikki Humphrey (22:54)
care. ⁓
powerful because we can all like switch up the situation, but all can come to mind similar things that we have done in our own life where we were selfish, where we're just trying to like fill the hole. like I just see like you got the tissues and everything. Like I see a hole in the ground and we're trying to just shovel in all the dirt, but with like the tiniest spoon ever. Like we're tapping into the wrong thing.
Hope Mangiafico (23:29)
Yeah.
Nikki Humphrey (23:34)
to try to fill it. And I think that's where I was gravitating to these groups of people because again, Satan's clouding my visions. Like this is where you need to be. These are the people you should be hanging out with. Those are the groups that are going to fill that need, are gonna heal that little Nikki wound. She's gonna feel a sense of belonging and community. And I'm just gonna be zippity doo dah after that. And God's like, that's not.
Hope Mangiafico (23:35)
Yeah.
Nikki Humphrey (24:05)
That's not how you fix it. That's not how you get healed.
Hope Mangiafico (24:14)
And you know what's crazy about all of that, Nikki, is like, you and I owning up to this first and foremost, being leaders and owning up to this, that we know that's not how you get healed. We know the scriptures. We know the scriptures better today than we did yesterday. Like, we have been deep into the word and even still.
Nikki Humphrey (24:28)
Hmm
Hope Mangiafico (24:38)
we can be caught in the deception. And that's not to be scary at all because God is so great and truly like wonderful in his restoration process. But I also really wanted to emphasize that because something that I did realize through my own journey with the Lord yesterday was many times Christians, followers of Christ,
believe that they can't fall into certain traps.
You are vulnerable because you are human and many many episodes ago I talked about learning to value how fragile I was. Well guess what? When I said that I was talking about my fragile emotions. Well no, God means every part.
Nikki Humphrey (25:31)
Yes.
Hope Mangiafico (25:33)
at any point in time.
you can expose yourself and you would pause and be like, wait, I did that? I chose that? I acted that way? And it's because the enemy knows how to use your wounds and other people's wounds against themselves. So never, ever, ever think you cannot fall into that.
Nikki Humphrey (26:07)
was just talking to one of my clients earlier today and they were talking about like this habit they had like a long time ago and it's not a great habit, but they were saying like, you know, they were doing this stuff that they used to do a while ago, but somehow in the morning, like they felt like so awesome and so energized and so, you know, like, wow, like maybe that really did help me rest and like take the stress off or whatever.
But I was just like, the enemy will use dysfunction from the past and bring it back up again and mask it as something good. Like you said, like there are traps everywhere that the enemy.
Hope Mangiafico (26:52)
Yes, and you can find
evidence to back up that it's good you can find it
Nikki Humphrey (26:57)
Right? Right. You know,
like, like if somebody wasn't sleeping for five years and you found some and you slept and you felt like energized and productive the next day, like, wouldn't you be like, oh, that's it.
Hope Mangiafico (27:11)
Yeah.
Nikki Humphrey (27:13)
But the enemy has the playbook. just, you know, flipped back 20 years and it was like, whoo, this is how we can open a door again. We're going to mask it as something good and parade it as a miracle cure. But it's not, it's going to, you're going to end up right back where you were before.
Hope Mangiafico (27:35)
Yes. And you know what's interesting about that conversation that you're sharing. And this is a topic I often stay away from whenever I hear it come up. ⁓ But it's like the great, you know, the great debates of some benefits of substances, right? And great proof and evidence of medical benefits.
And I have no place to say anything, to be honest. All I do know, and this is what it boils down to, is both sides of my bloodline, strong addiction. Strong, strong, strong. As crazy as wild drugs, something as simple as food.
So I really could care less about what all the medical documents are saying about curing cancer, stopping this, doing that, because I know what is that going. I mean, we're talking, you know, 100 years back easily of what's in the bloodline. Am I in a new one? Yes, I am. Do I align with Jesus? Absolutely. But why would I give the enemy an open door to me?
When my god, the creator of maybe these substances, I-whatever, I don't care at the moment, but what I do know is he's a creator of all things. He's got something else he can help me out with if I'm struggling with something. He is not the tempter. And so you just have to be very careful. If you know enough about your personal traps, family traps, and wounds.
Nikki Humphrey (29:05)
Right.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Hope Mangiafico (29:16)
Do not put yourself in tempting places which a lot of times are those inner circles.
Nikki Humphrey (29:23)
And let's, okay, so yeah, so let's make this even further. Let's go back to that champagne brunch a couple years ago. Would I have been able to go through that brunch and not have the champagne?
Would that been a doorway if I was invited? If I accepted the invite, sat down with those lovely ladies and just had a glass or two of champagne, what door could have that opened for me? Because I know that when I have alcohol, you know, it's just not good for me. It's not good for my body, my mind, my spirit, my soul. It could be fine for other people, but just like you said Hope, I know how it affects me.
Hope Mangiafico (30:04)
Yeah. Right.
Nikki Humphrey (30:06)
And that's the only proof that I need. And
I don't need to justify or apologize for it. Because I don't know how many times people make you apologize for not drinking. like, people, I drink, I know. I know. Like, I am better. You like this version of Nikki, rather than any other version of Nikki that can come out when I'm drinking.
Hope Mangiafico (30:34)
Wow, as you're saying this, what's coming to mind, because I was talking about medicine and medical and all this, and you're able to go out into the world for anything. Even alcohol has been, you know, red wine, all that's been all over the maps of benefits, not, blah, blah, blah. And you can find studies that, you know, have a large population of people. So it really shows a clear sign. This is your permission to only need a study of one.
Nikki Humphrey (30:40)
and
Yes.
Hope Mangiafico (31:02)
That's all you need. God knows you. We've talked about that time and time again, every hair on your head, but even more than that, he never missed a single opportunity of when you were wounded. He was there. And he was there even when it was a self-inflicted wound, because you were saying, but I really want to be really close to this problem. He was there.
He knows you. Let you and your study of just you be enough.
I see all these, I don't know why, all these cute little like heart band-aids going all over people's bodies. ⁓ It's so random. But it's like no more, no more allowing the fleshy desires to want to be included because of little Nicky, little Hope, little whoever's listening problems. No more let him put his love stamped all over those wounds.
The story isn't different. We have to accept the realities.
It's okay.
We don't need to change it. We don't need to force hijack God's plan. We don't need to, that's an episode if you haven't listened to it. ⁓ We don't need to interfere and to fix.
Nikki Humphrey (32:36)
Yeah
Hope Mangiafico (32:46)
because we will miss a line and miss the mark every time.
Nikki Humphrey (32:51)
Right. We need to stop asking God, why don't I belong here? We need to start asking God, where is it that you are calling me to?
Hope Mangiafico (32:57)
Yeah.
good because I put the whole don't ask why I'm not good enough and I said ask while you're in the waiting or ask why am I in the waiting what are you up to so what are you up to Lord and then where what was your what was your question and where do I belong ask those questions because it's not rooted in you failing and not being good enough you've got a place God is up to something and you do belong somewhere
Nikki Humphrey (33:15)
Mm-hmm.
Where do I belong?
That's right. That's right. It's, yeah, we have to switch the perception on these things because we're so inundated about these earthly things. And this is you got to fit in this box and you got to be in this. You got to check, check, check this all off. The only box you need to check, the only relationship you need to be secure and is the one with God. Check that box.
Hope Mangiafico (33:35)
That's so cool.
You
Nikki Humphrey (33:59)
and he is doing something like you just said, he's working it out. He's got a good plan for you.
Hope Mangiafico (34:05)
Can I tell you something really cool? So, when we were discussing this earlier about not asking the why, but rather the where and the what, I mentioned briefly earlier, he'll always lead us down a path of righteousness. And I was like, God, that's pretty good. But you know,
It's a little like, lack of a better term, of churchy, right? Like it's just, sometimes you don't, you know, it's just like, God, let's change that. Do you mind helping a sister out and presenting it a little less like being all buttoned up? It just, it done hit, it done hit the heart for me. And so he led me to scripture. And I was like, okay, now it's making sense. Prob, he's so cool. Sorry, I just like, I get blown away by his.
attention to detail in all of our lives. Proverbs 418, the path of righteousness is like the light of dawn. It shines brighter and brighter with the full day. So he leads you down a path that only gets brighter. The second thing many people know Psalm 23
But here's Psalm 23.3 with that. Restoring of our souls is linked to paths of righteousness. That's what Psalm 23.3 says. So, your soul will be restored when you let him in and you ask him, where are you taking me? And what are you doing?
restorations, what he cares about. And that's kind of what you were saying right before. I was like, you're not going to believe this. ⁓ He really completely transformed that concept for me of what is the path of righteousness. You think it's doing all the right things, right? Following all the commandments, doing things. No, it's taking you higher and brighter, being the light, which is your thing, Nikki, talking about being the light that you are and restoring you.
Nikki Humphrey (36:16)
And I don't think we realize how fragmented our soul gets. Josephine and I were just talking about this last night. We have to restore the fragments of our soul to us.
Hope Mangiafico (36:21)
girl.
my, I'm passionate about that. It's the only way to become whole. And here's a good, so you using that term, Nikki, if you try to force yourself in an area sooner than it's supposed to be, you are actually fragmenting more.
Nikki Humphrey (36:35)
Mm-hmm.
Yes.
Hope Mangiafico (36:48)
And we know, even if you just said yes to Jesus yesterday, that he loves and he wants what's best for you. You may not believe it, but you know it's true. So he absolutely as a loving father through Jesus is not wanting to shatter you more.
gosh, soul fragmentation. I'm very passionate about that. I love that you're talking to your daughter about that because
Nikki Humphrey (37:17)
We'll have
to do an episode on that because it's hard to understand.
Hope Mangiafico (37:21)
yeah, we'll have to do a full blown episode. I think we might go a little deeper into it next time potentially. But I think to your point, it's such a big concept that I don't think it'll be a full blown one next time, but that would be a good one. It would help people understand as well why trauma affects you so much, why ⁓ being in relationships are so important and like
why being timely with your relationships are so important.
Nikki Humphrey (37:50)
And we're so
used to getting things out of our body, our systems, our thoughts. We're so used to purging things out of us where we don't realize that the soul needs to be restored back to us.
Hope Mangiafico (38:05)
my gosh, I literally, it's my notes that I had written down for for next time. So that's really cool. Yeah, we'll see. Man, that's so cool. And funny enough, like my my last note was God's top priority is restoring us. And there is no in crowd income or fame that can replace the feeling of restoration. And I am a living testimony of it.
Nikki Humphrey (38:10)
So stay tuned for next week. ⁓
that yes, yes, there's no greater feeling. There's no, even if you just have it for a second, a minute, weeks or whatever, you know when that feeling comes in, it is like no, yeah, there is no words. I'm trying to explain it. I'm just like, there's nothing in my life that I could compare that to, nothing.
Hope Mangiafico (38:52)
No words!
Well, you know what's funny, Nikki, just, you know, towards the beginning of the podcast, we talked about a pain that had no words. Wouldn't it be like the father to restore you to a place where you've got no words? Because he cancels out the pain.
Nikki Humphrey (39:12)
Right. Yes.
It's so true.
Hope Mangiafico (39:16)
⁓ And there's no words and you don't need to have words because it's for you and people don't need to understand it because it's for you, study of one.
Nikki Humphrey (39:31)
It has
to be because if we're not a study of one, then we're comparing ourselves to somebody else. And God didn't create two individuals exactly alike. Never has, never will.
Hope Mangiafico (39:41)
That's through.
That's a great point.
Wow.
And that's why there's no in-crowd income or fame ⁓ that can feel better than restoration because the fame you're looking at is someone else's. The in-crowd is another crowd. The income is the blessing that God has for them and he's got something for you too.
Nikki Humphrey (40:06)
Hmm?
Hope Mangiafico (40:17)
comparison. That's a good one, Nikki.
Wow, that's wild.
Nikki Humphrey (40:24)
I know I keep thinking about it and I just, yeah. It gives me a lot of perspective.
Hope Mangiafico (40:31)
I got new perspective today.
Nikki Humphrey (40:34)
You know, when you think about, you know, when you read the possible drug interactions on the bottom, like the warning label and you take whatever medicine or whatever, and it's like these side effects could happen depending on the person. But some people have completely different other ones because no two people are alike. We can't be expected to fit in with everybody. Like it's impossible.
Hope Mangiafico (40:49)
Yeah.
Nikki Humphrey (41:04)
Like Hope and I are alike in so many ways, but there's lots of ways that we're completely different. And that's what makes it awesome.
Hope Mangiafico (41:11)
Right. That's what I have no doubt one of the big reasons why the Lord has us together. I mean, I've been told so many times by listeners of like how we're such like this balance to each other, you know, and that's not orchestrated. I mean, have you seen today's episode? I'm like, my gosh, I just said that. Then this is the part. I get real excited.
But it's just like, we don't talk. You say, hey, I got this download. I'm like, cool, I take it to the father. And we just go back and forth. And that is the beauty of not being the same. It's a pure example of needing every part of the body and not desiring to be an ear when you're called to be a foot.
Nikki Humphrey (41:55)
That's right.
Yes.
It is and you know what it took me a while to realize this but now I know the importance of it. Your table doesn't have to be big. Your group, your community, you know your innermost circle should be your smallest, your tightest, your most intimate. And everybody else in your life is like the outer rings of the bullseye.
Hope Mangiafico (42:24)
Yeah.
Nikki Humphrey (42:30)
you know, they're there, they might be there for a season or a reason or because you take a class or have a hobby with them or whatever. They're still there, they're still part of it, but they're not in that innermost sacred space with you. And that's where we have to start thinking small and then big. are, who is in my inner circle and
who are those who are just like the highlights, little, little moments outside of that.
Hope Mangiafico (42:57)
Yes, and as you're saying that, Nikki, a word that I think the Lord wants us to use when we talk about the small, a word slash a question to ask. Is this person safe for me?
And that's why it's small.
because of your history or because of their history, there aren't a lot of safe people and that doesn't poo poo on them or you. It's because God knows what safety brings for each individual. So instead of being like, man, I wanna be liked by so many people, it's where are you safest? Because we thrive in security and boy, do we hurt in insecurity.
where a lot of our wounds lie as you were talking in the beginning about people, you know, little Nicky wounds of they were supposed to be here for me. What does that say? You weren't safe.
Nikki Humphrey (44:02)
And you need those safe people because those are the people that can hold you accountable. Hope's a very safe person in my life. She can say things to me that won't trigger me. But if somebody who's not in that safe little bubble with me were to say those things, I'm going to be triggered all day long and feeling all kinds of ways. You need those people to help keep you accountable and lockstep.
point you back to Jesus and point you back to God and point you back to the Holy Spirit when you need it. When they see you turn in a way they're like, no, come back here. And you don't get offended. don't, you just, you believe what they say because you trust them.
Hope Mangiafico (44:46)
Yeah.
Thank you, Nikki, for being a friend that has brought healing to me. May every person listening be able to have that one person and be okay if you're not in the same city or state. ⁓ And know that God's got so much for you. And that today has really preached to me. Like you said, Nikki, gave me a new perspective.
Nikki Humphrey (45:09)
Yeah.
Hope Mangiafico (45:24)
and only God can do that because I get upset sometimes.
I get upset sometimes because I'm like, God, why did you make me this way? So it's not even, why am I not good enough? It's like, why did you make me this way? Why did you make me think differently?
And I've wrestled with that question for a long time with God because I mean, even in college, like I hated alcohol, I hated being around it. I've always hated alcohol, but I'm like, but I'm the only person that hates it at the age of 19. You know, like I don't, I hate being around it. My feelings hurt when my friends chose alcohol over me. Like not many 19 to 21 year olds are feeling that way, but I was. And so I wrestled with that emotion for 15 years.
Nikki Humphrey (46:01)
Right.
Hope Mangiafico (46:10)
And today's conversation peeled back another layer for me of freedom of like truly he's up to something and he is leading me to a place that I
I will take the land of misfit toys because there is love there. The richest love.
Nikki Humphrey (46:30)
That's right.
Yes. And we're coupled like last week's episode, I choose Jesus. I'm linking arms with him. And he's gonna guide me. He's gonna lead my steps to exactly where I belong, who I belong with, where I should go, what I should do next. I'm gonna let him guide it. Not me and my earthly desires.
Hope Mangiafico (47:00)
Amen.
There will be two seats for you and him.
Nikki Humphrey (47:07)
That's right. That's right. That'll do it. Yes. If this episode reminded you that you have a seat at God's table, pass it along to a friend who may feel left out right now. Your encouragement could be the reminder that they desperately need, that they always have a seat with God at his table. Until next time, remember you are equipped, you are loved.
Hope Mangiafico (47:11)
think that may do it.
Nikki Humphrey (47:37)
and you belong.
Hope Mangiafico (47:39)
Be blessed.
